No BS With Bukowski: My Dating Problems

By Chris Bukowski
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Hi! I’d like to introduce you to my girlfriend. Her name is Miley. She has blonde hair, mad hops and four legs. Yup, my girlfriend — she’s a dog. The best dog ever, I might add.

So, I want to talk a little bit about dating in today’s column. Allow me to set the scene: It was about 3AM and I was watching a romantic story called “Ain’t Them Bodies Saints.” Why was I watching? It features my celebrity crush, Rooney Mara. Duh. Miley and I were holding each other and crying in each other’s arms (or paws). Why can’t I find love like the love between the two leads in this movie? Does love like this even exist anymore? If it does, I want to feel it.

haven’t had a girl I’ve called my girlfriend for nearly eight years now. I barely even date. I know it’s me — I’m guilty of fearing commitment. I don’t know what it really is. I’ve pushed great girls away because, as awful as this sounds, I always think to myself there’s someone better out there for me. I feel like I’ll know immediately when I meet the one I’m destined to spend the rest of my life with. I’ve had that feeling, I’ve lost that feeling and I haven’t come close to finding it again. Sometimes I wish I could rewind and start over, be a better me so things from the past could have been different. I push love away because I fear I can’t love a girl the same way she loves me. I know it’s not fair.

Dating is a joke — well, at least to me. I don’t want to go to the bar with the guys and try to pick up girls. I’m over it. The bar scene is the last place that I want to meet someone. But what happens when I actually do find a person I’m interested in taking out?

Let’s say I ask a girl out on a date this Saturday and we know very little about each other. Naturally, we will connect via social media before our actual date. I’m guilty of this and I’m not embarrassed by it. I’ll start digging deep, looking at pictures, sending a picture of the girl to my friends, asking my family for their opinions, etc. But why? I’m doing myself a disservice by forming an opinion about this girl before we’ve gone out. So, a girl who I may have found beautiful, funny and charming has become something much different before our first date.

Wait, it gets better.

I’m probably going to Google this girl to find out more. I think that’s what everyone does to me, so why the hell can’t I do it? Type “Chris Bukowski” in there and you’ll have a field day — you’re welcome. So, before I even go on the date I already have my friends’ opinions and pretty much know everything from her dog’s name to her blood type. There’s almost no way around it. I’ve gone out to dinner with a girl who already knew my parents’ names before I even told her about them (note: that’s when you run!). Thanks a lot, Google and ABC. It truly sucks. I don’t want to care about what other people think. I want to be able to get lost in a conversation with someone without having the opinions of others in my head. Just to be clear, this is 100% my fault. I know I do this to myself.

The other day my friend said to me, “You love all these love songs and movies but you’re afraid of commitment.” I don’t know if I’m actually scared of commitment; I just don’t want to “commit” to someone to whom I don’t think I can give my everything. It’s not fair to them, and I don’t want to waste their time. I want to call someone my girlfriend, my fiancé, my wife, etc., I just don’t know when and who. People say it’ll happen when you least expect it. Well, I’ve been least expecting it for the past eight years and it’s still just Miley and me.

IG
IG

I want to hold your hand, take you out, act like there’s no one else in the world but us, but I’m beginning to think it’ll never happen. And to the people who laugh at love, that’s crap. I truly believe the people who mock love secretly want it the most. It has to be the best feeling in the world. It has to be.

So, different from past posts when I’ve given advice, I have very little advice to give here. Simply put, don’t be afraid to give people a chance. Give people the opportunity to get to know the real you and take the opportunity to get to know the real them.

My biggest problem is moving on. And we can talk about that a different day.

I’m free for dinner this weekend if anyone is interested 😉

If you have any questions, feel free to ask me by filling out the form below.

Be sure to check back next week for more of Chris’ answers right here on RantNOW.